apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
