My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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