My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
