You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
