just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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