Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
