it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
