I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
