apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
