thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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