OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
