I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
