I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
