Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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