After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
