Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
