absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
