If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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