You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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