I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
