TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
