apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
