so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
