There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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