I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
