Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
