Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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