it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
