you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
