Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
