stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
