You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
