I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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