she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize