Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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