I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
