Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize