Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
