I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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