yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want a musical about memes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
