i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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