I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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