I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
