Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
