I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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