did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just had sex on a roof
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize