My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
