I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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