ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
