I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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