You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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