people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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