The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
