Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
