I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
