They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
