VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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