a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
