yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize