Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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