what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize