My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
