Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
