drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
