My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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