it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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