do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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