Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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