hell yes lets make some ravioli
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize