Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
